I don't want to do anything. Not read, not watch tv, not even sleep. I'm tired, I should sleep, but it all just seems so worthless. I try to get interested in things that I know that I like to do, but the depression just makes it impossible for me to even think clearly about anything. There are so many things that I know that I enjoy doing from the times when I'm not too depressed to do anything, but it just seems that lately, I'm always too depressed. I'm just tired.
Right now, things may be exacerbated by a virus or something that I seem to have. My throat is sore, my head aches and I'm pretty sure I'm running a temperature. But I've been depressed since before I started to feel sick.
I'm still having the occasional suicidal thought, but they are less frequent today. I spent most of the night watching old episodes of SYTYCD. It was a good distraction. I love that show. But I couldn't even imagine taking a dance lesson or even designing a dance costume, all I could do was lay there and watch. It's better than having to fight off suicidal thoughts, but it would be better if I could actually engage my imagination in some sort of positive direction. Ah well... I survived another night. That's something.
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